Let’s address the obvious right away: Yes, this discussion is technically about “networking.” However, let’s avoid using that term altogether.
Why, you ask?
Because the word has become overused at best—and downright unappealing at worst.
No one wants to be labeled a “networker.” No one enjoys thinking of themselves as merely a cog in someone else’s “network.” And let’s be honest—very few people genuinely look forward to attending those dreaded “networking” events.
Ugh!
The whole concept often feels transactional, if not outright predatory.
Instead, let’s reframe this entirely. What we’re talking about is meeting and connecting with interesting individuals—genuinely engaging with others for the sake of building authentic friendships and enriching your life. Forget the notion of “collecting” people or hoarding “contacts” like they’re baseball cards.
Every person you meet is a real, multidimensional human being, just like you. By focusing on treating people as people—not as stepping stones for your personal advancement—you’ll discover an ironic but undeniable truth: this approach will actually help you achieve your goals more effectively and efficiently.
It might sound counterintuitive, but trust that it works.
The Power of Connection
The primary reason why building relationships with others is so impactful is straightforward: it amplifies your ability to influence the world around you. When you establish strong connections, your reach extends far beyond your individual efforts, enabling your ideas to resonate on a much larger scale.
The result? With a few meaningful relationships, you’ll often find yourself achieving your goals far more quickly than you would by stubbornly going it alone.
Moreover, surrounding yourself with driven and successful individuals has a compounding effect on your own success. It’s often said, “You’re the average of your five closest friends,” and there’s truth in that statement.
The logical takeaway is simple: align yourself with as many high-achieving individuals as you can. But here’s where most people get stuck:
Sure, it’s obvious that building connections with successful people is a great idea. But how does one actually make it happen?
A fair question—and one worth answering. Let’s explore how it’s done.
Step #1: The Internet Cocktail Party (How to Find People With Shared Interests and Offer Them Value)
Starting out in any new space can feel daunting. Imagine walking into a cocktail party where everyone already knows each other, and you’re the only one standing there, a stranger to the room. That’s exactly what it felt like when this website began—completely unknown, with no connections to lean on.
In situations like these, there’s really only one practical approach: begin introducing yourself to others in a way that sparks a response.
Nobody wants to be the person lurking in the corner, clutching a drink and hoping someone notices them.
At the time, there wasn’t much to offer, but there was this little website. So, interviews became the starting point. Why interviews? Because, let’s be honest, people enjoy talking about themselves—and for those familiar with the digital world, having your name mentioned in different places can be quite valuable. Every bit of exposure counts.
The strategy was simple: scour platforms like Twitter and Facebook to find individuals with sizable audiences who seemed to have something interesting to say. Then, reach out. Dozens of emails were sent to bloggers, entrepreneurs, and other intriguing voices.
Of course, not everyone responded. Some likely ignored the emails entirely—possibly because the initial messages were excessively long and riddled with typos. Lessons learned.
So, I sent out a ton of those messages… and finally started getting responses.
The result? A page of interviews was born, which became the very first page of this website. In one move, this accomplished two key things: it created some engaging content (though, at the time, the audience was pretty much just Mom), and it helped build connections.
Suddenly, people began to recognize the name behind the site. I was no longer an unknown figure at the metaphorical party.
At this stage, a couple of important questions tend to pop up:
1) “What if I don’t have a blog (or platform) to interview people on?”
Well, the obvious answer might be: Get one! But that’s a bit cheeky, and truthfully, it’s not entirely necessary. While creating some form of content—a blog, a podcast, videos, or anything similar—is one of the most impactful ways to spend your time, you can still connect with interesting, influential people without it.
What’s essential is offering VALUE to the other person. This means doing your homework:
- Learn about their interests or hobbies and send them something related that might resonate with them.
- Identify a problem they’re currently trying to solve and offer a thoughtful solution or resource.
- Find common ground—mutual friends, shared experiences, or school connections. Reference something only someone “in the know” would understand.
In short, be relevant and engaging. It’s easier than you think to uncover shared interests, connections, or ways to genuinely help someone.
2) “If a long email isn’t the right approach, what should I say?”
Looking back, the overly lengthy emails I first sent were likely a mistake. Most people aren’t unkind—they might even want to respond—but they’re also busy and inundated with messages. Making things easy for them is crucial.
Keep your outreach brief and to the point. Something like this works well:
Hi [Name],
My name is [Your Name], and I’m a [your job, project, or role]. I came across your work on [specific platform, article, etc.] and found it really inspiring. I wanted to reach out because [mention a common interest, offer a solution, or point to a shared connection].If you have 5 minutes to chat, I’d love to connect. I’m free on [list a few specific dates/times]. Thanks so much!
Best,
[Your Name]
If you send this kind of email 100 times and make even 10 new connections, the effort will absolutely pay off. Over time, as you refine your approach, you’ll likely see response rates climb dramatically.
When I was doing this regularly, I eventually reached the point where nine out of ten people responded to me.
Timing Matters
One crucial lesson: knowing when to reach out is just as important as knowing how.
For instance, landing the email address of a bestselling author might feel like a golden opportunity—but timing is everything.
- Do you have something of genuine value to offer?
- Is there clear common ground that makes the outreach feel natural?
- Are they in the middle of a major project, like a book launch, and unlikely to have time for you?
Take the time to do your research. On many occasions, I’ve found contact information for someone I wanted to connect with but chose to wait. Why? Because it wasn’t the right moment—or I didn’t yet have anything meaningful to contribute to the conversation.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about collecting contacts or ticking names off a list. The goal is to build real, authentic friendships. And good friendships always start with thoughtfulness and respect.
Step #2: Ride the Value Wave
Although the word “value” gets thrown around a lot, it’s a fitting way to describe what you should aim to offer your new connections. “Value” can come in many forms—a thoughtful gift, a key introduction, or even the simple act of leaving someone with a warm, positive feeling.
The truth is, there’s always something you can contribute.
Now that you’ve established a connection, it’s time to double down on giving. Think deeply about how you can genuinely be of service to the other person. The most important mindset shift here? View the relationship as a long-term investment.
For now, forget about what the other person can do for you. Push it completely out of your mind. Instead, focus entirely on what you can do for them.
One of the biggest mistakes people make—myself included—is assuming that as soon as a connection is formed and you’ve delivered a small act of value, you’ve earned the right to ask for something in return.
This is a huge misstep.
Think of the value you provide like deposits into a savings account. Every helpful act you do for someone is the principal. You can’t touch it. It’s only after enough contributions have been made that you begin to generate “interest,” and only then can you consider withdrawing from that account.
This is a lesson I learned the hard way. Early on, I often wondered why my asks were falling flat. I would meet someone influential, do something small to assist them, and then almost immediately request a favor in return—usually one that required more effort, trust, or risk than I had earned.
For example, I once interviewed a high-profile blogger who generously answered my questions. Shortly afterward, I asked him to review a product I had created—a task that would require significant time, a deeper level of trust, and even a willingness to risk his credibility by endorsing my work.
He was polite but declined. Looking back, it was clear that I hadn’t provided nearly enough value to justify such an ask.
What Constitutes “Enough” Value?
The answer to that question will vary depending on the relationship and the person involved. However, here are a few examples from my own experience:
My primary goal has been to grow my audience and reach more people. Most of my efforts have been guided by that goal. But remember—these examples are specific to my world of blogging and content creation.
The key takeaway isn’t to copy these examples verbatim. Instead, use the underlying concepts as inspiration and adapt them to your own circumstances.
The principle of being useful is universal. Take these ideas, analyze them, and apply your own creativity to determine how you can provide meaningful value to the people you want to connect with.
Think about it. Don’t just follow a script. Your ability to creatively and sincerely help others is what will ultimately set you apart.
Step #3: Reap the Rewards of Genuine Friendships
Building genuine friendships opens the door to countless unexpected and rewarding opportunities. Once you’ve nurtured these relationships and demonstrated your value, new possibilities naturally arise.
For example, through meaningful connections, you can gain access to influential individuals and exciting opportunities that might have seemed out of reach. By aligning yourself with others and offering consistent value, you create the foundation for mutually beneficial relationships that continue to grow over time.
Here’s how a single connection can evolve into an expansive and thriving network:
Expanding Through a Single Thread
The process begins with one meaningful introduction. From there, relationships can branch out in unexpected ways. For example, you might meet someone influential who introduces you to another like-minded individual, creating a chain of connections.
A simple but effective strategy is to ask new friends, “Who else should I know?” This open-ended question often prompts them to make introductions, especially if you’ve already established trust and goodwill. Of course, every introduction should be followed up with genuine interest and a mindset of adding value to the new person’s life.
Through these interactions, friendships grow organically. The key is to keep the exchanges authentic—whether it’s through casual conversations or finding shared interests. When there’s no transactional pressure, relationships are much more likely to flourish.
Opportunities Arise Naturally
As time goes on, these friendships may lead to opportunities you couldn’t have anticipated. For instance, a connection might introduce you to someone who has resources or insights that align with your goals, whether that’s professional guidance, collaboration on a project, or access to new environments.
One important principle to keep in mind is that timing matters. It’s essential to ensure that you’ve built enough trust and goodwill before asking for anything significant. Think of these interactions as deposits in a relationship bank account—consistent contributions of value create a foundation for future reciprocity.
Why This Process Matters
This approach isn’t about targeting specific individuals with expectations of immediate results. Instead, it’s about identifying people whose values and goals align with your own, building genuine friendships, and letting the relationships evolve naturally.
Imagine continuing this process for years or even decades. Over time, you’ll create a wide network of friends and allies who can help you solve problems, seize opportunities, and provide support in countless ways. The friendships you cultivate become some of your most valuable assets.
What’s Next?
You now have a framework for building meaningful connections and developing a supportive community. If this seems overwhelming, start with small steps:
- Reflect on this process: What questions do you still have about meeting and connecting with new people?
- Take action today: What’s one thing you can do right now to begin building a new connection in your life?
Focus on creating relationships based on authenticity, mutual value, and a long-term mindset. When approached thoughtfully, the rewards of these connections will be well worth the effort.
